Geez, it's been a long time. This is such a waste of my life and during such an important time in my kids' lives. I'm ready to be done with it, and move on. I wish it didn't mean so much painful, hard work. I'm not so tired anymore. It's good not to be completely overwhelmed by everything in my life. I know I am feeling better, because I haven't had much sleep for several nights now and I'm tired, but not "that kind" of tired. I've taken a couple of small babysteps and I'm mildly terrified, but I feel like I have no choice... If I just keep doing what I've been doing, I'm going to keep getting what I've been getting. It's time for a cool, cool change. I want my joy back. I have happiness in my life. I have NEVER loved a place like I love Austin. We can really "dance" here. We fit so well here and I know He brought us to this beautiful place. This has been an awesome summer, walking/running, Barton Springs, Zilker Theatre, Sno-Beach, it doesn't get much better than that. But I really miss God. I hate that when I hear people talk about Him, I just want to roll my eyes. I used to want to love on people because I felt His love and I couldn't wait to share it with anyone who would have me. Now I just want to be left alone and get through the day. ICK!! I'm ready to fight for my relationship with Him. I have no idea what that looks like anymore and I know if this goes wrong, I'm am absolutely NOT up to another 3 years of this crap, I just know I need to be better and move on. I'm ready to be done with this and figure out what the pruning was all about. At least I think I am...
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