I know it is such a cliche', but seriously, "Where did the time go?" I remember when I was pregnant with these young men. I had complete placenta previa. I was on total bedrest at home (with a 14 month old, by the way!) for about six weeks and then I passed a blood clot the size of a softball, so Bob rushed me to Hurley and I spent the next two months in a hospital bed. It was a huge time of growth for me with God. There was a problem with Caleb almost every other day. He never moved much - which is funny, if you know him now! I got to a point where I really thought he wasn't going to make it and I'd never get to know him here on Earth. I remember praying that God would see me through and use our tragedy for His glory. I wish I could hold on to that kind of faith all of the time....
I had to have an ultrasound every other day and sometime more often. Aaron would always be looking right at the camera! He was all eyes! He's still like that. He loves to have as much attention as possible. His love language is "words of affirmation" and you'd know that after spending 20 minutes with him. When he was pulled out of me during the emergency "c" section, he was biting on the umbilical cord. Bob just loves to tell that story.
I had to have an ultrasound every other day and sometime more often. Aaron would always be looking right at the camera! He was all eyes! He's still like that. He loves to have as much attention as possible. His love language is "words of affirmation" and you'd know that after spending 20 minutes with him. When he was pulled out of me during the emergency "c" section, he was biting on the umbilical cord. Bob just loves to tell that story.
My Caleb was all curled up and not breathing. They wouldn't let Bob see him because they had to rush him to the NICU. They lost me in the middle of the delivery because I had bled so much. This is what can happen with previa and I found out years later, I have extremely thin blood, so the odds were against me. They kept Bob out of the room until I was stable again and didn't tell us until the boys were taken down to the NICU. He stayed to reassure me for just a minute before going to be with Caleb and then I saw he was done for. I told the nurses and doctors in the delivery room that he was about to pass out and he said he was fine just before they got the chair behind him and he went DOWN!! Still, minutes later, he was on his way to be with Caleb and bring me back a report and some video.
I wasn't allowed to see either of the boys until I could walk on my own down to the NICU. I know that they were trying to inspire me to get up and heal, but honestly, holding my premature twin boys for ransom was just plain cruel. They found me on my hard, cold hospital room floor three times in the next 24 hours. I had tried to go see them and passed out every time! Finally, the next day my honey walked me down there and I couldn't get over how sweet my little frogs were. I wasn't used to having skinny babies!! Caleb was breathing on his own after 4 days, Aaron after one. They were so weak that we had to gavage (tube) feed them my pumped milk. It was awful to watch. Bob and I would spend all of our time trying to bond with the boys in this sterile enviroment. The nurses were wonderful, for the most part, but every once in a while one of them would start telling us all of the things that go wrong with premies. On the 5th day they sent me home without my babies. It was one of the worst days of my life. I didn't know how to feel. I hadn't been home in 2 1/2 months, Bob and the kids had been staying with my parents (45 minutes from the hospital), and I had lost so much blood, I looked and felt like death. Making the trek back and forth for the next 3 days was rough on all of us. On the 8th day they came and told us one of the boys could go home with us. We were sure it was Aaron, but they had found a "brain bleed" on Aaron's brain and it was Caleb they were sending home with us. The following day they told us we could take Aaron home only for the weekend (because we had so many kids and so much experience, they said it was okay - HA!!). I still remember Hannah was so excited each evening when we brought home new babies two nights in a row and on the third night she asked, "Where are the more babies, Mommy?" You gotta love that girl! Our church was asked to pray that his bleed would heal so we could keep him home and he wouldn't have developmental problems. On Monday his CAT Scan showed NO bleed at all. It had closed completely!
Both of our boys are miracles. Everytime I sing "Shout To The Lord," the line "I sing for joy at the work of Your hands" makes me think of what God did for us. What a miracle He did right in front of our eyes. Did I tell you that I had a amnio the day before I had them and the results showed that they probably wouldn't make it if they were born then?
They are smart, healthy, kind boys. I also happen to think they are the 2 of the 4 most handsome young men in the entire universe. I'm so glad God chose to bless us with Caleb and Aaron on February 1st in 1995.
Their voices are changing... I love that and I hate that. They seem so grown up when that happens. They are just about to pass me up in height. There is something comforting in having your "big" son hug you, but sad that you can't pull him up into your lap and make everything okay anymore. I want them to be good men. I want them to respect themselves, their friends and the women they like/love. I pray they become all that God sees in them. I want them to live and love with abandon and to get hurt as little as possible... I'm their mom, I'm allowed to wish for that...
