Snowball Effect...

Lezlie's dad passed away... I was able to see Lez and spend a really nice afternoon with her when I went back to drive to Texas with Scott. God really works things out when I rest in Him and don't screw it up.

Duncan was in the hospital last week because his esophagus burst. He could've died. They said he could've easily bled to death and it was a miracle Pam got to him in time. Bob and I hated not being there - but I'm so glad God was there and I'm sooooo glad Duncan is home now and he's feeling better. He and Pam have had a couple of years of TOO MUCH CRAP. You know what I mean? She is in remission from her breast cancer after a long, hard recovery. Ashley's beau's brother just had a terrible accident. NCC falling apart really took its toll on their family. I just want them to be blessed with rest and joy for a while. God will work it all out.

Scott is here. It's been an adjustment for all of us. I know he's lonely. He appreciates his brothers and sister a lot more now and they adore him - but he needs some buddies to hang out on 6th Street with. He signed up for the 60-60 Soul Revolution at our church yesterday. I was so surprised and pleased. He went to church with us very begrudgingly and I knew I was pushing him a bit when I approached him, but I had prayed like crazy and really believed God was helping me. So I said, "You know, Honey. If you keep doing what you've always done, you'll keep getting what you've always gotten. I think it's only 2 months and it's once a week. At worst you'll meet some guys your age and learn something. At best... who knows?" So, he said, "Okay." Honestly, you could've knocked me over with a feather. But I put on my cool, nonchalant mom face and asked him what color timer he wanted. God works it out, doesn't He?

Epiphanies in the night

Epiphanies are good things. Sometimes they slowly sink in after the initial BAM!

I'm going to be okay. A huge part of my life is being turned upside down. I choose not to put it back on the shelf where it looks much better than it really is, but to let it fall and crash on the floor. Somebody else can pick it up. It's not really mine anyway.

Integrity is much more valuable than we so often recognize. I don't think we give it it's due. Being able to look yourself in the mirror and live with yourself without any regrets of motive is HUGE!!

I'm glad God still speaks to me. After the past couple of years, I wasn't so sure. I try to put Him in a human box, but His awesome love just won't fit there, and I am so thankful. He's giving me peace and reminding me that I have worth. I know I'll forget that over the next several months of this painful journey I'm about to go on, but He wants me to write this to remind myself not only that He really loves me and I'm worth something as His child, but to remind myself that He'll remind me when I need it again...

Love is patient, Love is kind, It does not...

This is the man that I love more than any other human being anywhere. He really gets me and that is soooo rare. I get him, too. He thinks that is just amazing. He thinks I have a gift - I do, it's his love. My life with him is secure. I know that sounds boring, but we've done the wild and crazy passionate thing (and still have our moments!). Our trials and our day-to-day junk has made this something I know I can count on. That means something to me. It's what gave me the courage to leave everything I've ever known and move to a state I spent 2 days in once (Dallas). He makes me laugh more than anyone, even when I don't want to. His sense of humor has gotten me/us through some biggies in this life. God knew I needed his perspective. He knew he would balance me out (most of the time) and help me get over myself and see life for what it is. Of course, he drives me completely crazy sometimes. I already have 5 kids and I want him to be the other parent instead of a 6th child, but it really isn't the end of the world, in the whole scheme of things.
We have been through step-kids, ex-spouses, in-laws, different cultures, my depression, living apart for 6 months (Texas/Michigan), huge financial struggles, working for my brother, living with my parents, almost losing the twins, almost losing me, almost losing him, Scott's rebellion (drugs, guns, etc.), Jordan's rebellion (ugh!), my surgery, homeschooling, Scott's epilepsy, moving across the county, and so much more. I'm so glad I get to do this life with him. I try so hard to not take that for granted, but I know I do sometimes. I know I'm a pain in his easy-going ass so much of the time. That's where his sense of humor balances things out!
HAPPY 19th ANNIVERSARY, HONEY!!! I REALLY LOVE YOU WITH ALL MY HEART!!!

Our Princess is 15!!!

Oh my word! She's 15! We went to see "The Sisterhood of the Traveling Pants" today - Just the 2 of us. It was so fun. When Carmen's (America Ferrara) mom explains to her how it felt to become her mom, I just started sobbing and shaking my head "yes." It's so important to have good women in your life. I so want to be that for my daughter. She doesn't have a best friend here. It makes me so sad for her. She had the same best friend from infancy until 6th grade and then things went horribly wrong. Hannah just saw her for the first time this summer while we were in Michigan. She said a small part of her was sad, but mostly, she knew she had made the right decision to pull away from her. I used to constantly fret about her not having a very best friend, but I see how strong she is and how NOT desperate she is for a best friend. She has lots of friends (mostly boys), but she is very careful with her heart. I can see now that this is how God wants it and she feels that way, too, even though I know she is sad that she doesn't have that one special friend to share her secrets with.

She got about 5,000 Happy Birthday wishes on Facebook and she is thrilled beyond measure! Both of her big brothers called her today, wished her a happy birthday, and told her they love her! They're 21 and 22, I think that's pretty good that they called without me reminding them! We bought her a new cell phone: the Rumor ... what the heck kinda name is that??? Bob brought her roses. He's such a good dad. I love that he helps her set the bar so high! We also went out for pie/cake at City Cafe in downtown Elgin. It's our family tradition now. They have the best tasting fresh made pies (that are a mile high) of any I've ever seen.

When we went up to the counter to pay the bill, Hannah asked the waitress if they were hiring and how old you had to be to work there. The girl told her that they are hiring and 16 is the magic number. Hannah then told her she is homeschooled and available during the day, so they gave her an application. The manager and the waitress couldn't believe she was only 15! I'm so proud of her. She wants a job so bad, she can taste it. She wants to get that car of hers on the road by next September and get texting on her new phone!

I remember when she was born. She was purple and SO Hairy! Her hair was JET black. We all called her our little Eskimo Baby. I woke up around 3 a.m. and as I straddled Bob to get to the bathroom, my water broke! I just froze. Poor Bob! He sprung into action and got Scott taken care of and me to the hospital in about 45 minutes - and we lived in Swartz Creek then. She was a posterior birth, so it hurt like a mutha, but it was so quick (less than 2 hours). Bob fell instantly in-love, as did his entire family of almost ALL men! Jordan and Scott just adored her, until she was about 2 1/2 - then they told us how to parent her better! She was so spoiled. We all called her "The Princess" - Grandma O still calls her that everytime she calls! I remember when she told me she wanted to be the Queen, not the Princess and I told her that mommy is the Queen in our family. She was so NOT okay with that answer! We had so many outfits for her when she was born, that I had to go to the store every other week for a year just to exchange to a bigger size because she couldn't wear them all. She was my "Monter Baby" because she would do this funny nose crinkle, snorting thing when she was playing with me and I thought she was trying to be a scary monster! She was forever leaning to one side and in perfect pitch, sing, "I....." and Bob would sing the Barney song to her, "I love you. You love me...." Where did the time go? Now she sings in Italian for state competitions and I can rarely choose an outfit for her without hearing that she doesn't want to hurt my feelings, but that whatever I chose is a little too "mommy-ish" for her, she hardly ever snorts - unless something is REALLY funny! She is stilled pretty spoiled, but I'm okay with that. She still krinkes her nose in that adorable little way sometimes...

I love you sooooo much, my Hannah Girl. You are still and forever will be my favorite girl in the entire universe!! Happy Birthday!!!