Here's the thing...

Here's the thing... I really don't mind if someone reads my posts if they have a blog that is public, also or if they identify themselves. I'm not okay with someone from the Grand Blanc area lurking, almost daily, around my blog and never identifying themselves. I have a site meter and it is a bit disturbing how many times this person comes to my site...
I'm deciding whether it's worth the trouble to investigate further - I don't want to get all wrapped up in this and I don't want to find out it's someone from NCC who won't just say "Hey" for some reason. So, just do me the courtesy of not lurking or say, "Hey" - okay?

The confession... Part Deux

I have to confess and ask for Your help… Again… I can’t get past this boulder in my path. I don’t know if I’m chipping away at it, bit by bit, or if I’m supposed to have an epiphanal moment and go from there, full of understanding and joy.

Help me get past this feeling of entitlement. I believe You should’ve protected me and prevented this betrayal. I believe You don’t love me so much because You could’ve stopped this or at least shown me, so I could’ve stopped it sooner. I was a very good wife. I tried so hard to follow Your lead and become the wife you called me to be and yet, You never opened his eyes to who I really was while satan was helping him see me in such an awful light.

He was behaving in such a selfish way and almost destroyed me and our kids’ lives, yet here he is, happier than ever, while I feel insecure about every aspect of my self and our life together. He feels closer to You than he ever has and I feel like I’m not even sure if You exist sometimes. I am SO angry and I know it all makes sense to You and I know I sound like Veruca, from Willie Wonka,”I want it NOW, Daddy!,” but the truth is, I can’t seem to get past this without Your help and I don’t sense Your presence. I need You to please work through this with me and please don’t take anything else away from me while I’m trying (once again) to find my way back to You. I need my Abba Father. I need You to move the boulder and help me to move toward You with outstretched arms. I don’t know how I can move ahead in any area of my life until I make some progress with You. It's just been so long and I don't trust anyone.  What do I do with that?... 

the confession...

Dear Lord,

Here's my confession... Here's my struggle... I was the "good" one. I tried very hard encouraging him develop a relationship with You and I tried so hard to be the wife you called me to be and still You allowed him to betray me like that with her.

I want to make sense of it all. I want to understand why You allowed me to be kicked publicly by the person I most treasure in this world while I was down and reaching for You.

I understand You are God. I know You've done SO much for me. I'm sure I sound arrogant. I just need to work through this with You. I want my relationship with You to be restored. I hope You'll help me. I'm kind of counting on it...