Sometimes I want revenge so badly that I obsess over it. I have never felt like this before about someone. I know I'll never do anything about it. There are several reasons for this and most of them don't really help me much, nor are they terribly noble...
It's just wrong and I won't lower myself to that person's level.
I could cause a LOT of embarrassment for myself and my entire family if I was caught - especially if I had to go to jail!
I could cost my family a bunch of money that we simply don't have.
How would I look myself in the mirror?
Lord knows I already have a terrible time sleeping at night.
The one reason that I seem to come to most slowly (yes, I'm embarrassed to admit this) is that it isn't mine to avenge. It's God's to work through. That is the only reason that stops me in my tracks for any amount of time and gives me peace when I'm hurting and obsessing the most. I think I need to write it on my hand, because in my pain it's hard to remember this simple truth.
I'm waiting for some kind of justice - Tricia's idea of justice - and that's just ridiculous... I know - in my head, but my heart isn't always there... but it's there more than it used to be - So, that's good, right? The truth is, I have no idea how He is working in that person's life, but I trust that He's doing it in a MUCH better way than I can even begin to comprehend. I'm in awe of Grace - as a gift from Our Father... but I have this twisted idea that this person is only supposed to get it when s/he earns it - and what does THAT look like???... I must drive God crazy sometimes. I'm glad I'm not my kid!
Resting in His Grace and Trusting in His Plan are the ultimate in Joy and yet, I feel it slip through my slimy, self-righteous fingers more times than I care to admit!
Repeat after me: It's God'
s to work through...
s to work through...and He will.
1 comment:
Revenge is almost always about validation for me. If people could just tell me I'm right, I'd be ok. Trouble is, a thousand and fifty people told me I was right and I still wanted revenge. Seems the only person who wasn't sure if I was right, was me. And I'm working on that. Good thoughts.
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