Is it May, already? In so many ways we have come so far… but when a bad day hits, it is like being thrown into the eye of a tornado – for both of us! I went to the hotel and looked at a room there. Not sure that was a good idea, but it was driving me slightly bonkers wondering, picturing…
I’m not sure how I’ll ever get completely past that part. Knowing that he chose to get in his car and follow her there and betray me is so hard to get my head around… my heart around. Am I still in denial after 7 months?…
He is completely devoted to me – in ways he NEVER has been before and he was pretty devoted before we moved here. I feel more secure in some ways than I ever have and then I hear this insecure voice tell me I must be insane to continue in this marriage. If he could do it once after all we’ve been through together, then surely he could do it again… but the changes I’m seeing in him could only be the result of complete submission to God. He is becoming the husband I have longed for. He is becoming the father I have prayed for our children to have. When he looks at me, I can see the kind of love that God places in our hearts, that isn’t easily betrayed or forsaken.
He is my best friend. I have more fun with him than I have ever had with anyone. We could talk for days – non-stop – with an occasional food and bathroom break. He has become a man of integrity. When we disagree, he doesn’t give in to me and he doesn’t bully me. He simply stands his ground and explains, in love, why he believes what he believes. I just want to follow him anywhere when he does that…
He was baptized a few weeks ago. It was really beautiful. How can a man be stronger and more vulnerable all at the same time? The wonder of God…
I don’t feel so angry. I keep asking God to take away this “It’s not fair, foot-stomping” attitude I’ve got bubbling under the surface. He’s helping me immensely. I don’t know how I could do this without Him. I can’t believe how blessed I feel in this journey. It just doesn’t make any sense.
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