sadness...

I have two friends from early childhood, Lezlie and Jude. We all moved out to Byron (podunk) from Detroit (metropolis) in 2nd grade. We had the usual drama of who was REALLY best friends with who - leaving one of us out - and we've grown apart and close again and again through the years. I worked so hard at NOT being the one left out when we were younger and I was definitely the one who was not a sweetie. Once I convinced Lezlie that it would be hilarious to push Judy down this HUGE snowy hill because the two of them were definitely becoming best friends and I thought that would take care of that problem... It did, for about 2 hours. A few years ago when I was with Jude in the pre-op room for breast cancer, she started telling everyone that walked through the room (medical staff, included) the story of how mean I was in 3rd grade! It was so awful and so funny! I really love that girl!!
When we were in (I think) 5th grade, Lezlie found out she had SEVERE scoliosis. She has had more surgeries than I can count. About 90% of her bones in her back have been replaced with metal. Whenever she had surgery she would be in a body cast for months. Not many people would visit her and when we got older, very few men stuck around. It has been long and difficult for her in so many ways.
Lezlie and Judy aren't close anymore, but I keep them both updated. When things are tough, Judy will contact Lezlie and offer her love and support. Judy is married and has two beautiful daughters. Lezlie has never married and doesn't have any children. She is very close to her parents, especially her mom.
Judy lost her mom this past November to cancer. It was so sad. I didn't know her mom really well. Her parents divorced when we were young and she decided to live with her dad. I call him, "Dad." That man is a saint the way he put up with us every weekend as teenagers! Nobody cussed as cutely as that man! He has Alzheimer's now. It's been a tough road for him and Judy. Anyway, I flew home for the funeral and loved on Jude as much as time and circumstance permitted. She led her momma to the Lord before she passed away. She spent so much time with her before she died. She is one of those people who you want there when it is one of those times...
Lezlie called a few days ago. Her dad has hepatitis and he's dying. They say it could be just a few days now. That man has been making me laugh since I was 6 years old. He is so sweet and funny. Lezlie is the apple of his eye. He also has the coolest tattoos on his knuckles that I have ever seen! This past year, the hep. has affected his mind and he's been unkind to Lezlie. She is so angry with him. I'm worried about how that will affect her when he's gone. I worry about how not having God in their lives will affect all of them. My relationship with Lezlie is so complicated. She made it clear last week that she expects me to be at the funeral. I've been calling her and she's not returning my calls - not unusual. If she needs me, she will really need me. If she doesn't, I could fly home and she may not return my calls the whole time. I don't know what to do. These are the important moments, but leaving my family, missing work, affording a ticket, etc. are all harsh realities for me now. We won't recover financially for a while after the whole owning 2 houses for almost 2 years ordeal! Not to mention, going to Michigan for 2 funerals and a wedding in the past 8 months hasn't been kind to the wallet!
I have been struggling with this for days and I can't seem to make a decision - of course, not having communication with Lez, isn't really helping. My oldest son, Scott, berated me the other day. He asked me if Lez would do the same for me... she might, she might not. I'm okay with that. We have our own junk. Isn't this whole relationship thing about accepting people where they are. I mean, if you can't, then say so and exit stage left, but if you can, then you go from there. I don't mean to say doormatting it is okay. I just mean accept limitations - God knows, I have plenty of my own! Scott keeps saying that if you don't have the money, you don't have the money and a friend understands that. Ahhh, to be young again. I love that boy!
I don't know... I think I was hoping that writing it down would make it clearer.

Waiting....

Waiting....

Nope... that didn't do it.