Last day of work... Summer Vacation!!! I made it through the school year and I did a pretty fine job! My students excelled in ways that not many expected. I had a classroom full of beautiful and very needy kids and I LOVE every one of them. They worked hard and we were a team and they are ready to fly from my nest!!
I have to deal with her again next year. I am hoping that will get easier. Most days it is just fine, but sometimes when I'm REALLY tired or emotional... it's not so easy. Sometimes I even feel like I must be crazy and I just can't stand to think about doing this anymore.
I was just contacted by a betrayed woman who lives next door to the woman her husband betrayed her with. Her husband has left and the other woman is still with her husband. So, she gets to look out her window and be reminded every day. She also has to do it without her husband's support. I can't imagine...
Sometimes when I have a really bad day, B. will ask me if it would be easier to start over without him around reminding me of what he did to me and how much of my life has been affected. I usually just laugh (a sarcastic chuckle), because REALLY, I've spent over 20 years with this man. He has seeped into EVERY area of my life. I can't clean out a drawer in the entire house without being reminded of something that happened in our history together. And then there are the kids. They kind of remind me of him... Even the one that isn't biologically his...
I wish that God would provide really awesome jobs for both of us somewhere close by. I wish we could sell our house and move closer to Austin and NEVER look back. We would all love that, but it's pretty clear to me that that isn't His plan. I'm resigned to that. I wish I could clearly see what His goal is, but apparently that's not the deal. I feel beat up. I'm too tired to do more than submit. I'm also too gun-shy to step out in faith. I feel like I'm wasting time, but I'm not sure how to move forward. I've had so many people tell me how great I'm doing. I'm sure that SO much of that is due to God's will in my life, but the truth of the matter is that I seem to have lost any connection I used to have with Him. It feels like WAY too high a price to pay.