What do I want?...

Maybe that's the question I should be asking myself. Maybe I should REALLY try to figure out what that is...
The truth of the matter is that most woman don't have any idea what they want and almost as many lost sight of their needs a long time ago.
I met with my DE group last night at this beautiful lake house on Lake Travis. We spent the night. We went out to eat, made breakfast together, talked, laughed, prayed and honored each other. It was just the medicine my soul was longing for, but I stopped listening to my soul a long time ago. I knew that I had to force myself to go this weekend. I told myself that it was because I had to reclaim that part of my life. I can't be held prisoner to my fear of Bob betraying me again. I told him that after all I had given him, that if he chooses to risk losing me, again, then I know now that it's a hole in him that I can't fix and I will not blame myself for his bad choices. I was surprised by how difficult it was in some respects, and even more surprised that I was really able to relax and enjoy the women in my group. We share an intimacy that is rare. It's something I have never experienced before and felt so safe in. This is the stuff we long for, but always struggle to find time for or get so busy that we forget how it feeds us. I also am still struggling with reaching out for more time with them because I fear rejection and the distance makes a ready excuse for letting time pass without doing anything about it... Loneliness will be the end of me...