Yesterday was my Honey's birthday. We celebrated all week. This morning we were waiting for our table at Kerby Lane when my phone rang. My oldest brother called to tell me that one of my cousin's in California had committed suicide yesterday. She was losing her house through a foreclosure and she has been struggling financially for quite a while. I am overwhelmed by the pain and loneliness she must have been experiencing. A few years ago I would've been a little judgemental about how selfish suicide is and how much pain she has left her mother, siblings and children with, but now I understand how debilitating intense pain can be. I understand it can cause you to behave in ways you NEVER thought possible. It can cause you to not be able to do anything more than seek a way to escape the pain.
It reminds me how far I've come and how much I have to be thankful for. It breaks my heart that this beautiful woman didn't make it to the other side of her hardship. I am so very sad at the senselessness of her death. All day I have felt helpless to do anything and now there is so much more to say and I am at a loss...