AUGUST 3, 2010 (The day after my mother's birthday)
Well Lord,
I made it through yesterday and it wasn't as painful as I thought it would be. I didn't repeatedly question myself or feel overwhelmed with guilt. I feel sad that my parents told me not to have any contact with them. I feel sad that they don't value having an authentic relationship with me, but I know I can't change that. I understand that they lack something (You) and it isn't because I'm not worth it. You died for me and my sins, so surely I am loved without condition. You think I am worth pursuing, even at my worst.
I am thankful that my husband's betrayal and our healing journey has helped me better understand Your love. I get that we are incapable of loving each other unconditionally and authentically without You. I've experienced Your love for the first time in my life this past year and a half through my husband in a way that we both understand he couldn't produce on his own. I've watched him submit to You time and time again.
It's ironic to me that all of that excruciating pain and the journey back has left me still so broken and yet, for the first time, I am willing to face my deepest fears - that they can discard me without a fight - and then have those fears confirmed and I'm still standing in peace and authentic love. - Thank You
